


"I cannot believe you all thought I was straight!"

by Awesome_Orange



Series: The Magnus Archives, but (almost) Everyone is Grossly Incompetent [3]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Canon Asexual Character, Gen, Light Drinking, The Mechanisms Were Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist's College | University Band, discussion of sexualities, hope someone finds it funny, it doesn't actually come up but it is important to me that you know that, pub night, season 1 archives gang, the headcanon that elias only hires gay people, this idea just popped into my head and i had to write it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:13:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28488867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Awesome_Orange/pseuds/Awesome_Orange
Summary: The season 1 archives gang go out for drinks. Jon finds out the others thought he was the straight friend this entire time (yes even through the whole time they were in research together) and the others find out how wrong they were.
Series: The Magnus Archives, but (almost) Everyone is Grossly Incompetent [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1922728
Comments: 12
Kudos: 136





	"I cannot believe you all thought I was straight!"

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place early season one or possibly even pre season one. It is part of my incompetent au but can be read as a stand alone. Hope you enjoy!

“Come on, boss! One night out won’t hurt you,” Tim insisted, poking Jon in the shoulder in the hopes of annoying him into relenting. “You used to go out drinking with us all the time in research.”

Jon frowned. “No, I didn’t.” Jon sounded weirdly offended by the accusation. “I only ever joined when it was someone’s birthday.”

“Well, what if I told you–”

Jon cut him off. “I’m well aware of when all your birthdays are, don’t even try. And it would be entirely inappropriate for me, as your boss, to go drinking with you.”

“Jon,” Tim sighed. It seemed like he’d have to go into serious mood. “We’re friends, okay? If I’d known you were going to start cutting yourself off from people for the sake of _professionalism_ I never would have agreed to this transfer. So, unless you can look me in the eyes and tell me you actually don’t want to go out with us, for your own personal reasons, you’re coming.”

Jon slumped slightly in defeat and Tim knew he’d won even before hearing the muttered “Fine.”

“Great! See you at 5!” Tim hopped down from Jon’s desk, leaving the office with a wave and heading back to his own desk. “Got him!” he declared triumphantly to his fellow assistants.

-|-|-|-

Tim wasn’t drunk. Really, he’d only had a few drinks and they hadn’t even been all that strong, and he wasn’t a lightweight. But, yeah, he might have been a bit tipsy. That was kind of the whole point of going out drinking with your friends, after all.

He didn’t think any of the others were properly drunk yet either, but Jon at least had had enough to start info dumping. _Nevermind_ , Tim amended, Jon did that easily enough even when he was sober. It really just meant that he was comfortable with the people he was with, which was always good to see.

Martin was listening to whatever Jon was talking about with rapt attention. He felt bad for the guy. Crushing on a straight guy was bad enough, but for that straight guy to also be your boss. That was rough.

Sasha on the other hand was only half paying attention to the conversation, humming along to the background music under her breath.

They weren’t drunk, but despite that Tim wasn’t sure exactly what conversation had led him to turn to Jon and say: “Well, I guess you’re the token straight friend” but he was sure it had made sense in the context. Martin and Sasha seemed to think so too, nodding along to the statement.

Jon, on the other hand, choked on his drink.

“Um, you okay there, boss?”

“Yeah,” Jon got out between coughs, “just… ‘token straight friend’?!” He used air quotes. Tim had a moment of panic in which he was afraid he’d completely misjudged Jon. He’d been pretty sure Jon knew none of the others were straight, but, omg, what if he didn’t, had he just accidentally outded someone? He thought he’d been pretty obvious about it himself, but Jon could be insufferably oblivious at times. What if he was one of those straight people who got offended at being called straight? Tim’s spiralling thoughts were cut off by Jon’s next words. “Wow, I think last time anyone mistook me for straight was before Uni…” Tim noticed his coughing had turned to laughter.

The three assistants stared at their boss in shock. Jon seemed to notice, and his expression turned serious.

“Wait, did all of you seriously think I was straight?” he asked, incredulous. The others nodded mutely. Jon shook his head in disappointment. “I know I toned things down when I started working at the institute, but this…? Huh, I guess we never really talked about that stuff, did we? I just got so used to everyone at Uni just knowing that I didn’t consider it wouldn’t be the same here.”

“Well, first off, now I really want to see pictures of you in Uni,” Tim declared. Jon groaned, like he regretted not just letting them think he was straight. “Second, this means my theory that Elias doesn’t hire cishet people is back on the table!”

“Isn’t he homophobic, though?” Martin interjected.

“Yeah,” Tim agreed, “he hires gay people specifically to torture us with bad working conditions and his creepy smile.”

“We don’t have bad working conditions, Tim,” Sasha argued, “just because he told you off for not following the dress code the other day.”

Tim huffed indignantly. “Anyway, back to the topic at hand,” he turned his attention back to Jon, “if you’re not straight, what are you?” He winced at his own phrasing, maybe he was drunker than he’d thought, “Sorry, that was kinda rude, wasn’t it. You don’t have to tell us if you don’t wanna. I just wanted to know what merch to buy you for pride month.”

“That’s perfectly alright, Tim,” Jon assured. “I’m demi-panromantic and asexual.” He then looked down at his hand and continued in a more thoughtful tone, “I usually wear my ace-ring, but I guess I’ve never worn it to work since the dress-code doesn’t allow for jewellery.”

“Bad working conditions,” Tim stage whispered. To his gratification the others burst out laughing. “Well, if we’re sharing, I’m biromantic and bisexual.” He shot them finger guns for good measure.

“I’m not really sure what label best applies to me, but I’ll date people of any gender,” Sasha continued.

“I’m gay and demisexual,” Martin volunteered.

“Awesome!” Tim exclaimed, always happy to learn new things about his friends. “Next round’s on me!”


End file.
